Editor’s note: Nancy Stein of Seniority Matters regularly answers questions from her website’s readers on family caregiving.
The following is one example:
Q. My mother is 88 and has had the same aide for the past three years. She is very fond of her. The other day I noticed that she had written a check to the caregiver for $1,500. When I asked her about it, my mother replied that she [the caregiver] and her husband needed some money for a house repair. When I asked her if she’d given her money previously, my mother couldn’t remember. The caregiver takes really good care of my mother, but for some reason this really bothers me and leaves me with a bad feeling. Should I just forget about it? Marjorie F., Miami, Fla.
A. You should not forget about this. I can understand your mixed emotions and indecisiveness as to how to handle your situation. However, this is a very clear-cut issue, with no middle ground; I believe this is a reason for an immediate termination. No one, especially a hired caregiver who is there to care for and protect your parent, should ask their older adult client for [extra] money or anything else. Moreover, if they are offered money or valuable items, such as jewelry, they should politely decline the gift.
As was explained in a New York Times blog, For the Old, Less Sense Of Whom To Trust, older adults often lose their “shrewdness” — that is, the ability to sense when they are being taken advantage of. What you’ve described is an abuse of the close relationship that often develops between an elderly person and their hired caregiver. Click here to continue reading.
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